Uptill this point all my posts on freeriding were based on my experiences at FMS, but now my scope is wider and the future posts would be inspired (read copy pasted) from the entire gamut – IIM A,B, C, XL (Sorry but i dare not think beyond ****) etc. I would like to thank my esteemed company for giving me this unique opportunity to continue my research on freeriding while being at the job. They have ensured that the cut throat corporate life would not stop me from completing my PHD on the topic.
Anyways coming to the latest gyaan issue –
All of us have to suffer the enormous task of sitting through 1000 boring ppts one after the another. Somehow by design or by luck most of these ppts are following a super lavish company sponsored lunch at a fine dining location. How then can we – hard(ly) working MBA’s not stop ourselves from sleeping around (I apologize for the intentional grammatical error). We all know its downright rude to sleep in a ppt, afterall what goes around comes around. And we MBA’s are everything but rude.
After talking to a lot of senior and experienced people I realized that the ppts are held to train us in the art of sleeping without being noticed. I have learnt a few techniques which I would love to share with all of you.
1. The most commonly used technique by smart alec’s is the one where they complain they are unable to view the ppt because a strategically located electric bulb is shining on the screen. Invariably this bulb is located right above the smart alec’s head and he promptly requests someone to switch it off. This puts the subject in the dark and hence he can sleep peacefully thereafter in the entire show. However, this technique is really old and smart MBA speakers of the last century do not fall for it.
2. The nodder – These super smart people have the unique talent of nodding after every bout of sleep. Each time they fall down from their sleep they nod heavily with some grunts like “ya” and “yes yes” to pretend that they are actually listening with attention. This pleases the speaker because he is fooled to believe that people are following him.
3. The Manoj Kumar way (Thinking pose) – This is I think the most stylish way to sleep inside a ppt hall. You hide your eyes and give an expression as if you are engrossed in deep thinking. The speaker would feel you are really impressed by his idea and doing some serious analysis of the issue being discussed.
4. If you are not really bothered by aesthetics, you can use the way I very successfully use. Keep your spectacles really dirty and keep them so low that the border of the spects is in direct eye line from the speaker. This will ensure your speaker is unable to look at your eyes directly.
5. The most diehard way that I found in the research was that followed by one of my batchmates in FMS. He used to sleep in the entire ppt, wake up, ask a question and then go off to sleep again. Initially, I was amazed at the dare devilry but later realized it is a technique which only a super smart ass MBA can follow. There are a few generic questions you can ask in every god damn ppt whatever the ppt may be. For example – “What are your future plans”, “How do you plan to expand the current business opportunities”, “Are you looking for diversification in your business”
After thinking long and hard, I realized that although the above 5 techniques are good but they only cater to the stated objective of not getting caught sleeping inside a ppt hall. The best technique must do something extra (just the way our company wants us to be. Afterall we are from premier ******). And then I discovered this legendary technique where the subject not only manages to evade getting caught, he actually impresses the speaker into believing that the subject is THE most diligent and hard working subjects of all. So here it goes –
Remember to take a notepad and a pen(even one which is not working) with you to the lecture hall. Now as soon as the speaker starts talking start scribbling(or just pretend to scribble). Very soon you will fall to sleep but your position would be such that the speaker will feel that you are making notes of all the points. He will never bother to ask you any questions and rate you as the best amongst the entire lot because trust me you will be the only one even attempting to write down anything in the entire hall.
PS: All the above techniques are pretty to safe to use(Tried and tested by experts) until my blog becomes super popular which is pretty safe to assume is not a short term phenomenon.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Need for this blog - Presenting the freeriding bible
A few days back one of my friends in the FMS 2012 batch called me up and asked for some industry reports that could help her in completing her Pre Session Assignment. Immediately, I remembered about the way some of my batchmates completed their PSA’s (Ronak in 5 hrs, Kashish in 2 hrs without the use of internet) and got super emotional. I thought “What has happened to this generation?? Even trained engineers of DCE NSIT cant freeride one assignment. Huh.” I then realized that they don’t have a proper guide where they can learn the awesome art of freeriding. You have gurus for everything – MBA guru, Love guru, sex guru, Guru octopus but no freeriding guru.
We were a blessed generation who could easily maintain a perfect work life balance by professionally freeriding all events – even placements let alone PSA. I thought that it is the duty of our generation to pass on the knowledge we garnered in those two years of amazing MBA life to our juniors. Immediately, I thought about registering this IP address. I have put all my earlier blog entries here. The posts below are guides towards completing a super successful MBA without breaking a sweat. They are a work of fact and all characters from whom they are inspired were real gems. Its awesomeness can be judged from the fact that I am using the experience even now in office – As I write this, we are supposed to be working on a case study. My team sitting right next to me is thinking that I am diligently making notes on the case.
I sincerely hope that this collection would come in handy to all future MBA and engineering students. To become an expert free rider you will need to go through each entry of the entire blog religiously. So best of luck to all and welcome to the world of freeriding.
Altruism apart there were other reasons to separate the two blogs (one where I write general things and other reserved for public humiliation of my friends) like –
1. My friends felt I was embarrassing them too much on a public forum and had started threatening me. One of my favourite characters pITCHman whose crush is now married blames me for his failed love affair. He feels that had I not publicly announced his love affair, he had a chance. Another one of them DJ feels I tarnished his “sharif” image by declaring him as a “kamina” and “tharki”. I learn that DJ has even contacted goons to set me straight as I am hiding in my company accommodation in Mumbai.
2. I thought earlier that my blog is read only by my best friends (on whom I force it by pinging them the links) and facebook addicts with nothing else to do. But readership stats tell me that my followers have reached an all time high and being a celebrity its my duty to keep my personal life (first blog) personal…..(Ok, now that’s exaggerating )
3. As stress increases in everybody’s life, the art of impressing people by your hardwork without moving an inch will be the most important talent anybody can possess. Some yogi, tantric, guru or expert will then desperately need this IP to sell his gyaan. I plan to earn billion dollars by selling this to the future freeriding guru.
We were a blessed generation who could easily maintain a perfect work life balance by professionally freeriding all events – even placements let alone PSA. I thought that it is the duty of our generation to pass on the knowledge we garnered in those two years of amazing MBA life to our juniors. Immediately, I thought about registering this IP address. I have put all my earlier blog entries here. The posts below are guides towards completing a super successful MBA without breaking a sweat. They are a work of fact and all characters from whom they are inspired were real gems. Its awesomeness can be judged from the fact that I am using the experience even now in office – As I write this, we are supposed to be working on a case study. My team sitting right next to me is thinking that I am diligently making notes on the case.
I sincerely hope that this collection would come in handy to all future MBA and engineering students. To become an expert free rider you will need to go through each entry of the entire blog religiously. So best of luck to all and welcome to the world of freeriding.
Altruism apart there were other reasons to separate the two blogs (one where I write general things and other reserved for public humiliation of my friends) like –
1. My friends felt I was embarrassing them too much on a public forum and had started threatening me. One of my favourite characters pITCHman whose crush is now married blames me for his failed love affair. He feels that had I not publicly announced his love affair, he had a chance. Another one of them DJ feels I tarnished his “sharif” image by declaring him as a “kamina” and “tharki”. I learn that DJ has even contacted goons to set me straight as I am hiding in my company accommodation in Mumbai.
2. I thought earlier that my blog is read only by my best friends (on whom I force it by pinging them the links) and facebook addicts with nothing else to do. But readership stats tell me that my followers have reached an all time high and being a celebrity its my duty to keep my personal life (first blog) personal…..(Ok, now that’s exaggerating )
3. As stress increases in everybody’s life, the art of impressing people by your hardwork without moving an inch will be the most important talent anybody can possess. Some yogi, tantric, guru or expert will then desperately need this IP to sell his gyaan. I plan to earn billion dollars by selling this to the future freeriding guru.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Cluttered ppt is an awesome ppt
We all have heard from our managers (lecturers) the idea to make a good presentation is to keep it simple clean and in bullet points. In MBA jargon, all bullet points no gas. However, the above is only true if you had no other work and hence prepared in extensive detail. But, modern hip-hop MBA’s like us don’t have time to spend on intricate details. And hence the small bullet point presentations are useless.
The art of making a great ppt lies in impressing upon the audience that you have greater knowledge of the subject that is being discussed. For this absolute knowledge about the audience is of paramount importance. Your senior manager (or lecturer) is generally a workaholic, sleep deprived, sex deprived gentleman with a weak eyesight. It’s important to exploit all the above weaknesses to create a classy presentation designed to kill. There is no greater presenter than one who can put his evaluator to sleep. Since all these evaluators are themselves hot shot MBA’s with largely inflated ego’s, nobody would ever accept the fact that he slept and hence would have no option but to appreciate the presentation. Here are few brilliant insights on how to become a great presenter–
1. If you are a pretty girl or your group has one, start with a deliberate technical glitch which looks genuine. For example taking a random.swf file to a place where you are absolutely sure that no flash player is in sight. The teary eyed female would arouse sympathy. The sympathy would immediately turn to appreciation when you bring to notice that you had the brilliant foresight and had kept a somewhat cruder ppt form ready. This way you will create an initial impression even before starting.
PS : In case you are ugly fat male, do not even try this stunt. You would arouse extreme anger instead of sympathy and your presentation is ruined at the first instance
2. Take a note pad with you. The notepad would basically have gibberish but it should seem you have made presentation notes based on some brilliant research. Insist that the light be kept open so that you can read it out. This would mean that your workaholic boss with a weak eyesight would not be able to read your presentation.
3. Make the first slide as cluttered as possible. Put all kinds of smart art, weird figures, random charts copy pasted. Refer all of the material. Curve arrows going from top to bottom work best to confuse the tired mind of the evaluator and would put him off to sleep. Random charts that are copy pasted should be barely visible from the place where the evaluator is sitting.
4. The second slide should only have figures. You can copy paste the balance sheet of the biggest company which is remotely associated with your topic. If you are the king of the freeriders, you can also put random data like CIP = 100% which is loosely interpreted as Chutiaps in this presentation is equal to 100%. Nobody would ask you to explain such data so chill.
5. All the evaluators were born in the time of Shakespeare and hence are unaware of the latest colloquials and language. Throw in as many such terms as possible. Here, your daily viewing of HIMHM, Friends, Prison break, BBT would help. For example, in a class ppt a dialogue like “ According to the great Barney Stinson, Lorenzo Van matthean is the most awesome” would drive your classmates to splits. Your professor who would have no idea who Barney Stinson is, would give a sheepish smile assuming Stinson to be some modern day philosopher, physicist etc. He would act casual and wont dare to ask who is being referred to. Other quotable characters are Sheldon cooper of BBT and Joey of Friends. Football Fans can try geeky names like Bixente Lizarazu, Ole Gunner Soljskaer or Van goner hasselink.
6. Never ever mention any word that is remotely linked to the subject expertise of the evaluator. These sex deprived workaholic’s only get orgasms after listening to such things and would rape you within the next two minutes.
7. Keep a stop watch to repeat the following lines religiously after every 90 seconds –
• For Marketing ppts – “Providing customer value is the most important. Customer is the king”
• For Finance ppts – “Providing shareholder value is the most important. Shareholder is the king”
• For Consulting ppts – “We did a thorough analysis. Consultant is the king. ”
• For HR ppts – “Providing people value is the most important. People are the king”
8. Give 3-4 random solutions to the problem that was given. Since we are awesome MBA’s, these solutions would come straight to your mind when you hear the problem. Dedicate the next two months(entire duration of the project) to justify these solutions. Find out (google) exactly the same number of advantages and disadvantages to all. No less no more. In case, your audience was not confused before it will be now.
After sufficiently confusing the audience, open the forum for questions. Only one question would arise “So what is your final recommendation”. Pick any one, state its advantage and then say but in case (Now return to point 8 and get into an infinite loop). Finish it by picking the one which would have the following characteristics –
1. In case you are a sales guy, you will get the sale
2. In case you are a consult, your company will be hired
3. In case you are a fin guy, the least amount of work will be given to you.
4. In case you are an HR guy, the solution which results in your increase of salary should be chosen
This my dear friends will make you an awesome presenter.
The art of making a great ppt lies in impressing upon the audience that you have greater knowledge of the subject that is being discussed. For this absolute knowledge about the audience is of paramount importance. Your senior manager (or lecturer) is generally a workaholic, sleep deprived, sex deprived gentleman with a weak eyesight. It’s important to exploit all the above weaknesses to create a classy presentation designed to kill. There is no greater presenter than one who can put his evaluator to sleep. Since all these evaluators are themselves hot shot MBA’s with largely inflated ego’s, nobody would ever accept the fact that he slept and hence would have no option but to appreciate the presentation. Here are few brilliant insights on how to become a great presenter–
1. If you are a pretty girl or your group has one, start with a deliberate technical glitch which looks genuine. For example taking a random.swf file to a place where you are absolutely sure that no flash player is in sight. The teary eyed female would arouse sympathy. The sympathy would immediately turn to appreciation when you bring to notice that you had the brilliant foresight and had kept a somewhat cruder ppt form ready. This way you will create an initial impression even before starting.
PS : In case you are ugly fat male, do not even try this stunt. You would arouse extreme anger instead of sympathy and your presentation is ruined at the first instance
2. Take a note pad with you. The notepad would basically have gibberish but it should seem you have made presentation notes based on some brilliant research. Insist that the light be kept open so that you can read it out. This would mean that your workaholic boss with a weak eyesight would not be able to read your presentation.
3. Make the first slide as cluttered as possible. Put all kinds of smart art, weird figures, random charts copy pasted. Refer all of the material. Curve arrows going from top to bottom work best to confuse the tired mind of the evaluator and would put him off to sleep. Random charts that are copy pasted should be barely visible from the place where the evaluator is sitting.
4. The second slide should only have figures. You can copy paste the balance sheet of the biggest company which is remotely associated with your topic. If you are the king of the freeriders, you can also put random data like CIP = 100% which is loosely interpreted as Chutiaps in this presentation is equal to 100%. Nobody would ask you to explain such data so chill.
5. All the evaluators were born in the time of Shakespeare and hence are unaware of the latest colloquials and language. Throw in as many such terms as possible. Here, your daily viewing of HIMHM, Friends, Prison break, BBT would help. For example, in a class ppt a dialogue like “ According to the great Barney Stinson, Lorenzo Van matthean is the most awesome” would drive your classmates to splits. Your professor who would have no idea who Barney Stinson is, would give a sheepish smile assuming Stinson to be some modern day philosopher, physicist etc. He would act casual and wont dare to ask who is being referred to. Other quotable characters are Sheldon cooper of BBT and Joey of Friends. Football Fans can try geeky names like Bixente Lizarazu, Ole Gunner Soljskaer or Van goner hasselink.
6. Never ever mention any word that is remotely linked to the subject expertise of the evaluator. These sex deprived workaholic’s only get orgasms after listening to such things and would rape you within the next two minutes.
7. Keep a stop watch to repeat the following lines religiously after every 90 seconds –
• For Marketing ppts – “Providing customer value is the most important. Customer is the king”
• For Finance ppts – “Providing shareholder value is the most important. Shareholder is the king”
• For Consulting ppts – “We did a thorough analysis. Consultant is the king. ”
• For HR ppts – “Providing people value is the most important. People are the king”
8. Give 3-4 random solutions to the problem that was given. Since we are awesome MBA’s, these solutions would come straight to your mind when you hear the problem. Dedicate the next two months(entire duration of the project) to justify these solutions. Find out (google) exactly the same number of advantages and disadvantages to all. No less no more. In case, your audience was not confused before it will be now.
After sufficiently confusing the audience, open the forum for questions. Only one question would arise “So what is your final recommendation”. Pick any one, state its advantage and then say but in case (Now return to point 8 and get into an infinite loop). Finish it by picking the one which would have the following characteristics –
1. In case you are a sales guy, you will get the sale
2. In case you are a consult, your company will be hired
3. In case you are a fin guy, the least amount of work will be given to you.
4. In case you are an HR guy, the solution which results in your increase of salary should be chosen
This my dear friends will make you an awesome presenter.
The guide to become the ultimate free rider
Having almost completed my super successful MBA, I have decided to do what every good senior does. Pass on the gyaan. Unfortunately, with an expertise of lazying around and free riding I don’t really have any gyaan to pass on. So I have decided to pass on the knowledge in which I have complete expertise – FREERIDING. This blog will be beneficial to people who cannot delegate work properly and unfortunately end up doing almost all work themselves. I hope it changes a few lives.
About the Author
It is very important to establish the credentials of the author before following any such gyaan capsules. So here are a few facts establishing the authenticity of the post.
The author was one of the founding members of the Chillsoc society at FMS. He is the self proclaimed president of SPAMSOC. He has 2 years of extensive experience of working along with the most shameless, faceless, useless free riders at FMS. Before FMS, author received training for 4 years in the hinterlands of bawana, a place notorious for producing the best people in this business.
Few Facts of freeriding
1. Since you have managed to find time to read this, you have the basic ingredients of being a good free rider.
2. Remember great freeriders are never accused of being a free rider. If somebody starts accusing you of being one, eventually your luck will run out and you would have to start working.
3. Whenever you get a chance accuse others of freeriding. This creates a false impression that you are working hard.
4. Free riders need to have great interpersonal skills and brilliant communications skills. It also completely kills their ego. So don’t be embarrassed – Freeriding helps you in improving your personality.
5. Trust your teammates. This is the most important ingredient in forming any team. Trust them to do good quality work which would ensure good internal marks even for you. Without trust you will have the unnecessary urge of cross checking, revising the work which would lead to waste of your valuable energy and resources.
6. If you freeride, nobody would ever accuse you of presenting shoddy work.
The guide
So here are a few tidbits on how to successfully freeride an entire semester. Make sure you follow the exact steps in every semester but on different people.
1. Be present on the first day of the class. This is the day the groups are formed and be atleast 10 minutes early to the class.
2. Sit right next to the most studious girl in the class. Yes, girl is important because even if she finds out your ulterior motives she would spare your mother and sisters and also be sensitive enough not to insult you in front of other girls.
3. Indulge in a conversation before the class on the lines of how important the subject is and how much you want to study the subject. This will create an impression that you are really looking forward to study the subject.
4. Groups are generally formed at the end of the class. The most common size is 6-7. The girl next to you would generally have a default group of 3-4 already decided. You be a NICE guy and suggest another group of 3-4 hard working students and team them up.
5. In the most ideal situation, let the sub groups be such that you are the only one who is very comfortable talking to all people in the group. This will effectively make you the CEO of the group. And as you know in a team CEO works the least.
6. If you are able to find a group where a geeky guy wants to impress a geeky girl, boss you just won a lottery. NEVER leave such a group (Should i explain more :-)). Unfortunately, it is easier said that done. This is precisely the reason one should be aware about all the gossip going around in class. Hence, Free riding also improves your general knowledge.
7. Contrary to popular opinion, NEVER have the same group for two different subjects/events/competitions etc. This ensures that you will be able to freeride all events, other wise work will be shared and you will have to do some of it.
8. Start a chain mail 4-5 days before the final deadline asking the group to start contributing on the topic. Trust me, nobody is going to reply to the mail for the next 2 days. At the end of the two days, send a mail abusing the entire group of lack of seriousness and free riding.
9. If your image has taken slight hit (because of earlier freeriding) google the topic and copy paste the first 2 links and send in the mail. Nobody is going to bother to check the source, and would feel you are really doing some work.
10. Ego massage the hardest working person in the group. Generally, this is the breed of people (Commonly known as geeks, but i wont insult them) who need an outlet to talk. Be that outlet. Tell them how you are the only one working on the project in the other group. Show concern, tell them how much you want to help them but how helpless you are because of the useless group you have in the other subject.
11. Dont worry, they dont really need your help. But please ensure you offer help. Continue to bitch about others in the group.
12. Dont be too active on facebook, gmail etc 2 days before a submission. Out of sight is generally out of mind. Your team mates might just forget about your presence.
These were just a few pointers to become a legend. I have always kept my blog an open forum and you are free to share more ideas. I am open to make the necessary changes.
About the Author
It is very important to establish the credentials of the author before following any such gyaan capsules. So here are a few facts establishing the authenticity of the post.
The author was one of the founding members of the Chillsoc society at FMS. He is the self proclaimed president of SPAMSOC. He has 2 years of extensive experience of working along with the most shameless, faceless, useless free riders at FMS. Before FMS, author received training for 4 years in the hinterlands of bawana, a place notorious for producing the best people in this business.
Few Facts of freeriding
1. Since you have managed to find time to read this, you have the basic ingredients of being a good free rider.
2. Remember great freeriders are never accused of being a free rider. If somebody starts accusing you of being one, eventually your luck will run out and you would have to start working.
3. Whenever you get a chance accuse others of freeriding. This creates a false impression that you are working hard.
4. Free riders need to have great interpersonal skills and brilliant communications skills. It also completely kills their ego. So don’t be embarrassed – Freeriding helps you in improving your personality.
5. Trust your teammates. This is the most important ingredient in forming any team. Trust them to do good quality work which would ensure good internal marks even for you. Without trust you will have the unnecessary urge of cross checking, revising the work which would lead to waste of your valuable energy and resources.
6. If you freeride, nobody would ever accuse you of presenting shoddy work.
The guide
So here are a few tidbits on how to successfully freeride an entire semester. Make sure you follow the exact steps in every semester but on different people.
1. Be present on the first day of the class. This is the day the groups are formed and be atleast 10 minutes early to the class.
2. Sit right next to the most studious girl in the class. Yes, girl is important because even if she finds out your ulterior motives she would spare your mother and sisters and also be sensitive enough not to insult you in front of other girls.
3. Indulge in a conversation before the class on the lines of how important the subject is and how much you want to study the subject. This will create an impression that you are really looking forward to study the subject.
4. Groups are generally formed at the end of the class. The most common size is 6-7. The girl next to you would generally have a default group of 3-4 already decided. You be a NICE guy and suggest another group of 3-4 hard working students and team them up.
5. In the most ideal situation, let the sub groups be such that you are the only one who is very comfortable talking to all people in the group. This will effectively make you the CEO of the group. And as you know in a team CEO works the least.
6. If you are able to find a group where a geeky guy wants to impress a geeky girl, boss you just won a lottery. NEVER leave such a group (Should i explain more :-)). Unfortunately, it is easier said that done. This is precisely the reason one should be aware about all the gossip going around in class. Hence, Free riding also improves your general knowledge.
7. Contrary to popular opinion, NEVER have the same group for two different subjects/events/competitions etc. This ensures that you will be able to freeride all events, other wise work will be shared and you will have to do some of it.
8. Start a chain mail 4-5 days before the final deadline asking the group to start contributing on the topic. Trust me, nobody is going to reply to the mail for the next 2 days. At the end of the two days, send a mail abusing the entire group of lack of seriousness and free riding.
9. If your image has taken slight hit (because of earlier freeriding) google the topic and copy paste the first 2 links and send in the mail. Nobody is going to bother to check the source, and would feel you are really doing some work.
10. Ego massage the hardest working person in the group. Generally, this is the breed of people (Commonly known as geeks, but i wont insult them) who need an outlet to talk. Be that outlet. Tell them how you are the only one working on the project in the other group. Show concern, tell them how much you want to help them but how helpless you are because of the useless group you have in the other subject.
11. Dont worry, they dont really need your help. But please ensure you offer help. Continue to bitch about others in the group.
12. Dont be too active on facebook, gmail etc 2 days before a submission. Out of sight is generally out of mind. Your team mates might just forget about your presence.
These were just a few pointers to become a legend. I have always kept my blog an open forum and you are free to share more ideas. I am open to make the necessary changes.
Some facts about CV points
• Don’t look at others CV’s. They will always look better than yours. The points mentioned are as fake, exaggerated as your own. The only difference is, you know the reality of your own CV.
• Once you have made it, don’t even look at your own CV. There is a distinct chance that you will forget the exaggeration and give yourself too much airs. Btw, the feeling in the first point lasts only a few minutes. At the end of it, MY CV STRONGEST
• Even though the reason for every MBA’s existence is collection of CV points, they will still struggle to come up with 20 points in 730 days i.e a frequency of 1 CV point per 36.5 days. Which means 1 CV point per month. God save our country, if our budding CEO’s are so grossly inefficient
• Although, in office all of us were busy preparing for CAT,XAT,FMS we somehow managed to win some sort of recognition award.
• Your bosses are actually nice. Infact, you regret the days when you used to abuse them. In case, you abused him on his face. Well!! Sorry, you just missed the chance of a good CV point
• Remember even the most worthless thing you ever did. There is a distinct possibility that it would come across as your best CV point. That gully cricket tournament you won in 12th class(bunking coaching class test) can actually lend the perfect balance your otherwise geeky CV deserves.
• Probably the most important thing that you ever did in your life is not on your CV because you got cash prize or some other kind of appreciation from some special someone.
• We scientifically bold the most important words believing that the person who is going to shortlist is going to ignore the other words – Gee!! How smart we think we are or do we sincerely believe that the other person is a moron.
• Just in case you are from a top school, you will suddenly start to regret it. Because your friend from ABC school is able to write TOPPER IN SCHOOL with 86.8% and you cannot with 92%. This belief is again based on the sincere belief that the person who is going to read it is a moron.
• You would wish you were born in the smallest district in India, the moment you see
District topper(in bold), Jharsuguda (In small font) on your friends CV.
Sincere apologies to people living in Jharsuguda
• You will discover new bugs in Microsoft Office while working on your CV.
• If you are actually the way your CV(personals) suggests, you will hate yourself for your arrogance.
• You will suddenly develop eclectic habits (interests) so that you can put on your CV. Being natural is only an advice you give to your juniors.
• Unbelievingly, I write such lousy blogs so that I am able to put blogging as a hobby on my CV.
• Once you have made it, don’t even look at your own CV. There is a distinct chance that you will forget the exaggeration and give yourself too much airs. Btw, the feeling in the first point lasts only a few minutes. At the end of it, MY CV STRONGEST
• Even though the reason for every MBA’s existence is collection of CV points, they will still struggle to come up with 20 points in 730 days i.e a frequency of 1 CV point per 36.5 days. Which means 1 CV point per month. God save our country, if our budding CEO’s are so grossly inefficient
• Although, in office all of us were busy preparing for CAT,XAT,FMS we somehow managed to win some sort of recognition award.
• Your bosses are actually nice. Infact, you regret the days when you used to abuse them. In case, you abused him on his face. Well!! Sorry, you just missed the chance of a good CV point
• Remember even the most worthless thing you ever did. There is a distinct possibility that it would come across as your best CV point. That gully cricket tournament you won in 12th class(bunking coaching class test) can actually lend the perfect balance your otherwise geeky CV deserves.
• Probably the most important thing that you ever did in your life is not on your CV because you got cash prize or some other kind of appreciation from some special someone.
• We scientifically bold the most important words believing that the person who is going to shortlist is going to ignore the other words – Gee!! How smart we think we are or do we sincerely believe that the other person is a moron.
• Just in case you are from a top school, you will suddenly start to regret it. Because your friend from ABC school is able to write TOPPER IN SCHOOL with 86.8% and you cannot with 92%. This belief is again based on the sincere belief that the person who is going to read it is a moron.
• You would wish you were born in the smallest district in India, the moment you see
District topper(in bold), Jharsuguda (In small font) on your friends CV.
Sincere apologies to people living in Jharsuguda
• You will discover new bugs in Microsoft Office while working on your CV.
• If you are actually the way your CV(personals) suggests, you will hate yourself for your arrogance.
• You will suddenly develop eclectic habits (interests) so that you can put on your CV. Being natural is only an advice you give to your juniors.
• Unbelievingly, I write such lousy blogs so that I am able to put blogging as a hobby on my CV.
Why i quit studying and became a back bencher
After another disappointing result, I have decided to reveal the secret of why i quit studying. Now i know this is not something you want to know, but why the hell do i care. This is my space, and i can write wateva i want to.
Semester: III
Venue : JCB hostel, DCE
Occasion : A day before Power Apparatus Exam
I am sure the whole electrical engg deptt of 2k3 batch will distinctly remember this exam. For the uninitiated, the course was as follows -
1. Electrical Machines - PS Bhimbra - First 250 Pages
2. Transformers - JB Say - 10 pages
Now if you have read PS Bhimbra you would have noticed there is a very interesting phenomenon associated with the book. You understand everything when you read it for the first time. When you read it the second time, you realize that whateva you understood the first time was completely out of order. So you try the third time and this time you get a single concept. The fourth time second concept and so on.
I had already read Bhimbra once but was at that time unaware about the above formula. So i was feeling quite confident about the exam everyone was dreading. When i entered JCB 117 "Saxo's stinking room next to Toilet", i witnessed the scene and honestly "Sabki Fati padi thi". I thought i can at least do better than these guys tomoro. Obviously, the worse was waiting for me. As i started "revising" the second time i realized that i am in a worse soup than everybody else. Coz now i was in the phase of unlearning. As i raised doubts, Prakhar, kalla and Kakkar fought to clear those. Obviously the ghissus of the batch had by then finished the course a zillion times. Anyways after slogging for 14 hours of PS bhimbra like a madman, i managed to finish the entire chapter and went of to sleep feeling confident that i will manage atleast 10 out of 20.
When we got the paper the next day, it had just three questions, All from the 10 pages from JB Say. I remember discussing the different first reactions of students on seeing the paper. I am not a good enough writer to put those in words. After more than 14 hours of intensive studying my paper was over in 10 minutes. Stunned i was looking all around. It was a great solace to find even more stunned faces around. Only Rahul Kalia was smiling. He had obviously studied the 10 pages and was passing that 24 carat colgate smile to everyone. I really felt like kicking him right there.
I managed a grand score of 4/20. Saxo, Raj and Sinha were behind me. That was the day i realized there is no use of studying in DU. A lot of things depend on luck. Either you are a prakhar or Rahul who will be able to complete the entire course or you are a bank bencher.
From that fateful day, i have started relying on luck before every exam. Infact that did work for me once. In Fin Acc in First Sem FMS i managed 80. Obv, i did not deserve it. I hope i get more such luck in the last two semester of my DU life.
Some other notable things that happened that day -
1. Baba made that Legendary quote " T***e Short ho gaye". The quote is now a part of Bawana folklore and infact i heard someone quote it before our Management Accounting exam in FMS 2nd sem.
2. Sougata Roy was spotted studying for the first time on campus.
3. Kakkar lost 4Kgs making 10 runs at 50Km/hr from his room on 4th floor to the ground floor.
4. Kalra once again proved how harami he is. He had a pretty stupid Mechanics paper the next day in which he managed 18 odd. He rubbed it in the night dinner.
5. Prakhar Jain turned 19. God save the earth.
Semester: III
Venue : JCB hostel, DCE
Occasion : A day before Power Apparatus Exam
I am sure the whole electrical engg deptt of 2k3 batch will distinctly remember this exam. For the uninitiated, the course was as follows -
1. Electrical Machines - PS Bhimbra - First 250 Pages
2. Transformers - JB Say - 10 pages
Now if you have read PS Bhimbra you would have noticed there is a very interesting phenomenon associated with the book. You understand everything when you read it for the first time. When you read it the second time, you realize that whateva you understood the first time was completely out of order. So you try the third time and this time you get a single concept. The fourth time second concept and so on.
I had already read Bhimbra once but was at that time unaware about the above formula. So i was feeling quite confident about the exam everyone was dreading. When i entered JCB 117 "Saxo's stinking room next to Toilet", i witnessed the scene and honestly "Sabki Fati padi thi". I thought i can at least do better than these guys tomoro. Obviously, the worse was waiting for me. As i started "revising" the second time i realized that i am in a worse soup than everybody else. Coz now i was in the phase of unlearning. As i raised doubts, Prakhar, kalla and Kakkar fought to clear those. Obviously the ghissus of the batch had by then finished the course a zillion times. Anyways after slogging for 14 hours of PS bhimbra like a madman, i managed to finish the entire chapter and went of to sleep feeling confident that i will manage atleast 10 out of 20.
When we got the paper the next day, it had just three questions, All from the 10 pages from JB Say. I remember discussing the different first reactions of students on seeing the paper. I am not a good enough writer to put those in words. After more than 14 hours of intensive studying my paper was over in 10 minutes. Stunned i was looking all around. It was a great solace to find even more stunned faces around. Only Rahul Kalia was smiling. He had obviously studied the 10 pages and was passing that 24 carat colgate smile to everyone. I really felt like kicking him right there.
I managed a grand score of 4/20. Saxo, Raj and Sinha were behind me. That was the day i realized there is no use of studying in DU. A lot of things depend on luck. Either you are a prakhar or Rahul who will be able to complete the entire course or you are a bank bencher.
From that fateful day, i have started relying on luck before every exam. Infact that did work for me once. In Fin Acc in First Sem FMS i managed 80. Obv, i did not deserve it. I hope i get more such luck in the last two semester of my DU life.
Some other notable things that happened that day -
1. Baba made that Legendary quote " T***e Short ho gaye". The quote is now a part of Bawana folklore and infact i heard someone quote it before our Management Accounting exam in FMS 2nd sem.
2. Sougata Roy was spotted studying for the first time on campus.
3. Kakkar lost 4Kgs making 10 runs at 50Km/hr from his room on 4th floor to the ground floor.
4. Kalra once again proved how harami he is. He had a pretty stupid Mechanics paper the next day in which he managed 18 odd. He rubbed it in the night dinner.
5. Prakhar Jain turned 19. God save the earth.
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